quite some time ago, i wrote an entry entitled "now or never". the choice was posed in that entry that i could pounce on an opportunity, or i could let it be and never get the chance again. in that entry, i may not have been speaking about a specific situation, but it comes back into my head now.
there has been a choice posted to me...i, being of a bit less sound mind am making the choice; clearly, resolutely...without the sense of reckless abandon from before.
gee eff's ex was under the impression that they were still together when we ended up falling for each other. unfortunately, this places me in a bad position. X isn't mad at gee eff, instead, she's taking this out on me. X bad mouths me, gee eff stands up for me. about a month ago, X said she wanted to kill me...and gee eff told her straight to her face that she loves me.
it's been a rollercoaster ride, that's for certain. i wouldn't give any of it up, though.
the situation gets hairier, unfortunately for you, dear reader.....you and me both.
X is also a drag king. X drags in Akron, where there are more clubs to perform. the whole way that i met gee eff was because i was performing at a bar in Akron where my girlfriend at the time liked to go...and she happens to be one of gee eff's best friends. [follow me so far?] anyway...i met gee eff through an ex of mine...simply put.
well, at the time, X and i were actually getting to be friends. she even said she liked me. i was under the impression that she liked my style and me in general.
wrong-o.
there is a bunch of kings...about 6-8 of them in akron who are friends with X. none of them like me now because of X. so i guess what upsets me is that they are violent people. wanting to kill is an understatement. they beat the living shit out of one king because he was bad-mouthing everybody. it's so bad, he won't even go to the bar...he won't perform because he's that badly bruised and beaten to hell and back. X headed that beating up. it may have been deserved, but still. that's not something i'm looking for.
so now, i have to back out of a paying gig (it's $25...and i don't have a job yet, so that's good money for me for right now) on halloween (that's + tips, etc). because i don't want to have my face rearranged. *sigh*
and the reason i'm making this choice is because gee eff told me that if X or anybody came after me, she would stand between us. she would bleed for me, and a lot. as sweet as that may or may not sound [depends on who you are, i guess], i do not want the woman i love being beaten/beating people up because they can't handle the fact that she loves me. it's just not right.
the choice is this: i told her, "you are more important to me than any stage and any amount of money". i meant it, too.
i know she's the one for me. nobody would ever bleed to save me from bleeding myself. i don't want it to come to that, but knowing...there's the comfort.
the choice came up, the choice has been made.
for once, *I* made the choice before it was made for me.
i choose love.
-nqm
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